Thursday, December 16, 2010

Place of Missing

I have been in a place of missing.
Missing things. I try not to dwell on the past, because I don't want to become wistful and discontent.
However, some things in my past are so lovely, I feel they deserve the thought.
I don't know if it is the holiday season, or that I am finally slowed down enough to pause and think, but these days I find myself missing many things.

  • I miss standing in a freezing ballet studio selecting music for class, when a little 4 year old comes and gives me a drawing she colored just for me. Or the 3 yr old who brings me a pencil with a puffy-feathered top.
  • Seeing the 9 yr old girl who I know has a broken home, open like a flower, little by little through the months while I teach her to dance.
  • Taking off my point shoes to find missing toenails and blood. Accomplishment.
  • Going to bed and being able to feel every single muscle in my body. Every night.
  • Not having a care in the world, besides thinking of the next adventure to embark on with my siblings and neighbors.
  • Making perfume out of flowers with my next door neighbor.
  • Being able to run fast, and beat all the boys at Awana.
  • My little "brother" Micheal from Ethiopia.
  • Waking up early and running outside barefoot to play in the swing set with my siblings in the early sun.
  • All the holiday parties that my mom would plan for my friends with arts and crafts and yummy goodies.
  • Mick, my cat.
  • My best friend growing up, my older brother.
  • Sunday school.
  • Being able to do 32 fouette turns on pointe without effort. I had no idea.
  • The ballerina that I was.
  • I miss seeing the extreme joy in little girls faces when I autographed their programs and talked to them.
  • Adventuring through the slough with my brother.
  • Running cross-country
  • I miss my great grandma, taking care of her every day. Her sweet tooth.
  • My other great grandma, and her toffee and stories she would tell me for hours on end.

      I miss laying on the grass, almost every sunny day, and looking up at the blue sky.
      For the longest time, just thinking, and dreaming.

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