Missing things. I try not to dwell on the past, because I don't want to become wistful and discontent.
However, some things in my past are so lovely, I feel they deserve the thought.
I don't know if it is the holiday season, or that I am finally slowed down enough to pause and think, but these days I find myself missing many things.
- I miss standing in a freezing ballet studio selecting music for class, when a little 4 year old comes and gives me a drawing she colored just for me. Or the 3 yr old who brings me a pencil with a puffy-feathered top.
- Seeing the 9 yr old girl who I know has a broken home, open like a flower, little by little through the months while I teach her to dance.
- Taking off my point shoes to find missing toenails and blood. Accomplishment.
- Going to bed and being able to feel every single muscle in my body. Every night.
- Not having a care in the world, besides thinking of the next adventure to embark on with my siblings and neighbors.
- Making perfume out of flowers with my next door neighbor.
- Being able to run fast, and beat all the boys at Awana.
- My little "brother" Micheal from Ethiopia.
- Waking up early and running outside barefoot to play in the swing set with my siblings in the early sun.
- All the holiday parties that my mom would plan for my friends with arts and crafts and yummy goodies.
- Mick, my cat.
- My best friend growing up, my older brother.
- Sunday school.
- Being able to do 32 fouette turns on pointe without effort. I had no idea.
- The ballerina that I was.
- I miss seeing the extreme joy in little girls faces when I autographed their programs and talked to them.
- Adventuring through the slough with my brother.
- Running cross-country
- I miss my great grandma, taking care of her every day. Her sweet tooth.
- My other great grandma, and her toffee and stories she would tell me for hours on end.
I miss laying on the grass, almost every sunny day, and looking up at the blue sky.
For the longest time, just thinking, and dreaming.